my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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