If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
