He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
