i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
