i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
