i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish my penis had a tongue
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
