I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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