I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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