so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
