get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
