my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
