she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
