I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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