If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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