good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Michael Bay diarrhea
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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