It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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