I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
