they need to just BURY HIM!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
