Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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