Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
