My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
