this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
