would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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