there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
