wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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