He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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