haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
