Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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