Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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