Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
