She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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