Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
