So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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