No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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