Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
