Whod you bang
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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