Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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