I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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