Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
