God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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