onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
