i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
