you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
