I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
