i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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