I like my sex mixed with concussions.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
