saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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