I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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