I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I want is dick and wine.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
