i don't like sucking hair
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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